The Dreams

For three years I wrote a newsletter to share about the work I was doing abroad and the realities that came with it. I dreamed about having my own blog to be able to share what God was teaching me with more people. Now that I finally have one, can I be real? I don't even feel like writing. It hasn't felt fun or fulfilling like it did before. Sometimes it just feels like another chore or task.

Isn't it weird how that works? For so long I was convinced this was the right next step.. until I took it.. and now it feels unfinished. I question if I did something wrong or misunderstood my dream goals somehow.

I imagine I am not the only one who has ever wanted something so badly only to get it and realize it isn't what I expected it to be. I think maybe these dreams or ideas that at times leave me feeling incomplete, as annoying it feels, might actually be markers that this world cannot fill me, no matter how good the dream or goal. Maybe, it is God pulling me closer to him... (Hold that thought).

On another note, I went back to read my very first newsletter I sent out. I aspired to write to share what God was doing in my life, to keep it real, to shed light on the raw parts of life and ministry, and to share with the world about the one man I know who can make sense of it all- Jesus of Nazareth. But somewhere along the way I lost the vision and got concerned about the aesthetics of the blog, the views and subscribers, and how others would perceive my dream. I forgot the purpose behind the passion. When I remember and think back about why I started the newsletter, I feel the little flame inside me begin to burn again.

Here is something Lauren from 2022 said in a newsletter home from Mexico:

"Incase my heart forgets again, may I remember again what God has done and what he has taught me. I hope y'all have been encouraged by these newsletters to find a cause that makes your heart beat and your eyes twinkle, pursue it, and watch how God wrecks your world in the best way possible as you dedicate your energy to work along side of him in his redemption story."

When following the dream seems fruitless, we can remember why we started and be encouraged that it matters even if we don't see the end results. Fyodor Dostoevsky said that “love in action is a harsh and dreadful thing compared to love in dreams”. I think following God-given dreams is like that, too. It is a hard thing to do. It is easier to dream about the dream than to live out the dream. But the world needs you to live it out.

God has only entrusted YOU with your specific God-sized dreams. You are the person for the job. Don't quit on the dreams God has put in your heart, even if right now it is hard or confusing. But also know that the fruition of the dream is probably not the end goal God has in mind. (Back to that thought). Maybe the purpose of the dream he has given you is not to see it completed, but to know God more intimately as you work along side him to chase part of his heart, the dream he gave you. And as you know him more, you will ooze his heart all over everyone around you, starting fires in others to know him and work along side of him, too.

What is your God-sized dream?