Wait and Trust.

On my last blog post I shared how I was struggling to maintain faith in certain areas of my life because of unexpected situations and outcomes. Since then, God has taught me a few things. Without even realizing it, I had made an idol out of my idealized version of outcomes of certain situations in my life. Because they hadn't turned out the way I'd hoped, I first felt sad, then confused, then angry, which sneakily turned into a control issue.

Lately, God keeps bringing two simple words to mind- wait and trust. Am I able to accept that his ways don't look like mine? That what is happening now is a necessary part of his plan? That even when it feels disappointing, I can trust him? Keeping it real, if you know me at all, you know my type A personality finds all of this quite uncomfortable. I'd prefer to just fix it all myself (since of course I have that capacity...). Thank God for grace.

At the root of my desire to control the outcomes was a deep sense of disappointment that things hadn't turned out how they were supposed to, that I had either made the wrong choice, or that God hadn't kept his end of the deal with me. Either way, I wished things would have ended differently. But it is possible that because of my finite human understanding, I couldn't see the real end and assumed this moment of disappointment was where the story ended.

That's the thing about God. Any God-given dream or desire he has given me was his first, so I can trust that he cares about it more than I do. I can trust that behind the disappointment, he is at work, divinely weaving together something incredible so that in the end I'll only be able to say it was made possible by the work of his hands. He is able to do more than I ask, think, or imagine. He is not confined to my small ideas or limited by time.

God is more interested in who I am becoming than what I think I want or need in the moment. He is willing to allow disappointment to shape me into someone who trusts him no matter what. I am beginning to realize that maybe the decision, the situation, the outcome are all just vessels he uses to teach me to wait on him and to trust him. I cannot control or know the process. I just have to wait and trust his hand in all of it.

Wherever you are today, remember that God's character is greater than whatever sticky and confusing situation you are walking through. Keep watching. Keep waiting. He knows just what he is doing and nothing is out of his sovereign plan.