Carrying your cross

Leaving Louisiana again, even after only a short visit, has been really hard for me. I love my family and love where I am from. Those in-between transition days of travel always fill me with a sense of never being fully home or complete. Being completely transparent, in moments that hurt like this, I'm tempted to throw in the towel and do anything that would be easier, anything that would hurt less.

For the past four years, I have worked cross-culturally meaning that I usually am far from what, for 22 years of my life, I called home. Don't get me wrong, I love what I do. In fact, I wouldn't change it for anything despite all of the low points and pains along the way. But this is the part where it gets sticky. How can two things so seemingly juxtaposed be true at the same time? How can it hurt so much but also be the very thing I know I am supposed to be doing?

It is in that tension that I have thoughts of quitting. Can I keep it real? In intense moments of frustration, I even regret having ever said "yes" to God to follow him on this journey of life because I didn't know it would be like this. Crying inconsolably on my bed that I grew up in as I packed up the last of my stuff into my suitcase and arguing in my head with God, I told him how unfair it all was. How, wanting to be obedient to do what I believe He called me to, I ended up with a broken heart. That's when He brought to my mind a verse I prefer to ignore most days.

Luke 14:27 says "And whoever does not carry their cross and follow me cannot be my disciple," and similar verses are found in a few different areas of the gospel books.

Right now, this is my cross. Everyone has their own cross they must carry. Most crosses go unseen or unfelt by those around us, only affecting the individual to which it belongs. Others may not get it, but your cross is your sacrifice, your self-denial, your hardship. The enemy wants to convince us that when we have a cross, it's because God is not longer listening to us when we ask Him to help us get rid of it. But Jesus promised that following Him meant taking up our own crosses and suffering with Him, but only so that one day we could get to rejoice with him in eternity.

I think a lot of people stop following Jesus because they do not understand what Jesus teaches about suffering, sacrifices, and the other not-so-fun parts of life. While he won't take our cross away from us, he walks with us as the one who carried his own big cross first.

I want to encourage you today if you feel that you have suffered and sacrificed to no avail. You're doing it right. We aren't guaranteed we will see results here on earth. We are promised that this current cross is producing an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison.